A rambling statement on Dungeons & Dragons, Michael Strahan and black fathers

 

The geeks among us--and there are many--will recall that I am an old-school D&D fan. The alive among us will recall that I'm also a father. A few weeks back I wondered about the possibilities of teaching my son D&D. He will turn eight next week, and along with a giant Lego set, I plan to begin teaching him all about orcs, elves and halberds. Today three books I ordered arrived, two of which you see above. I've been flipping through them all day, and man I tell you, I had forgotten exactly how much in love I really was. A few months ago me and Kenyatta decided to cut off our cable, then our TV blew and we decided to not buy another one. I think D&D may work well to supplement the gap and offer an active chance for us to really build some family. To that end, Kenyatta's actually volunteered to learn the game--so we'll have three of us playing.

We tried this before with football and it really worked out well. When me and Kenyatta first hooked up, she thought football was just a bunch of men falling on top of each other. Now she's got a favorite team (the Colts) a favorite player (Peyton) as does my son (the Giants, and the now retired Strahan) who also plays little league. Some of our best memories revolve around football--last year we had a ball watching Devin Hester  return two touchdowns against the Broncos (I'll never forget him hurdling Todd Sauerbrun). I may even start taking the boy to the sports bar on Sunday. We'll see.

There's a greater point to all this rambling. I'm consistently amazed at the coolness of building family. The first two years are drudgery, no doubt. But then it just becomes awesome. I really wish we'd been able to have a second kid shortly after Samori was born, but money and health made it prohibiitive. Still, even with the one I'm often surprised by the sheer fun of the whole project. My Dad once told me something that has stuck with me for years. The saddest thing about so many black fathers--and fathers in general--quitting on their kids is that, invaribly, they cheat themselves more than they actually cheat the kid. I've seen a lot of folks turn out fine without knowing their second parent. But the absent parent, permenantly loses that link, that ability to share the things that once excited them, that chance to relive their own childhood with their flesh and blood. That goes for D&D and for Devin Hester.

Comments

Thanks for this. I've got a 6-week old, slightly colicky, daughter, and I was thinking last night as I rocked her that I spend too much time dealing with her as a problem to be managed and not enough time relating to her as a nascent person.

It's nice to be reminded that it gets better, and it's nice to read a realistic assessment that the first couple of years are really hard.

Posted by MikeT | July 31, 2008 2:14 PM

Dear Ta-Nehisi,

You rock.

My dad, my brother and I used to play old-school adventure games together (7th Guest, The Dig, Maniac Mansion, etc.), and I can tell you it they are some of my fondest memories as a child. My friends and I played a bit of D&D...but we were never good at the RP part of it, so it was mostly an exercise in the mechanics of monster killing (and miniatures admiring). There's something about those puzzlers, though, that are really fun to spend time working out together. I hope your D&D sessions go as well.

By the way, if you still read fantasy at all, may I recommend George RR Martin? He's a fantastic author with a very real, fleshed out world, but a very adult and Serious realpolitik tone. Currently, my favorite fiction author.

Posted by Alex | July 31, 2008 2:16 PM

Damn, I wish Maceo was old enough to join in on the D&D. But at this point, he'd just end up eating the dice.

Tell Kenyatta that the word from Colts camp is that Peyton's knee is healing rapidly. Still don't know if Harrison will be 100 percent, though.

Posted by Brendan | July 31, 2008 2:26 PM

I maybe you already do, but if you don't you should really check out Wil Wheaton's blog. A lot of his fatherhood experiences make the blog.

Posted by crack | July 31, 2008 2:43 PM

My husband was inspired by your other D&D posts to pull out his old books (and half dozen or so other books for other gaming systems) and played with my 8 year old daughter. She loved it. I feel a new obsession is being born here.

Posted by conseula | July 31, 2008 4:59 PM

I just added your blog to my RSS reader, and man, did it pay off. I've been SORT OF obsessing about the new D&D rules, wishing I could play again someday, but, you know, *without* being the nerd I was 25 years ago. But maybe I'll have to reproduce to do so.

Posted by Karl Steel | July 31, 2008 7:49 PM

MikeT - I can definitely relate to how you're feeling right now. In the first 3 months my son was born, it felt as if someone had lent me some exquisitely valuable piece of stereo equipment that need constant TLC. It was all Duty, Duty, Duty on a 24 x 7 schedule that never let up. I got a sense of accomplishment and pride from taking care of him, but it wasn't a really joyful feeling.

As he got older and developed his own personality it became a blast. You witness the ecstasy of pleasures discovered for the first time; snow, ice cream, petting soft animals etc. You see the moments of accomplishment when he figures something out. You see him fascinated by your interests and hobbies.

I think it's important to share your passions with your children. Play them music you like, and show them the things you love. That way, the activity you're doing is enjoyable to you independently from time spent with your kid. It's a good twofer; a way to meet your needs without shirking your duties. They'll be plenty independent; they'll let you know when your pushing too hard. It's the difference between opening a door, and dragging someone through the threshold.

Posted by scottstev | August 1, 2008 10:38 AM

That is one of the real joys of parenthood, Ta-Nehisi. My daughter's 7, so a little young for D&D yet, but I had a clever idea--I spent hours of my childhood playing those old text-based adventure games (Zork, the original ADVENT, Enchanter), so I'm going to sketch out the original Colossal Cave adventure and walk my daughter through it. I think she'll enjoy it. What's the fun of being a geek if you can't geek out with your kids?

In general, you're right about the early years. Infancy is a bit like boot camp. I enjoy parenthood much more once my kids could talk. And the cognitive leaps that happen in early elementary school are just amazing. It's fun to watch their little minds develop.

Posted by Norsecats | August 1, 2008 11:35 AM

6 weeks is a rough time, maybe the roughest. I will never, never regret being the one to do nighttime feedings of my firstborn (a girl). After a while, it became a favored routine. I would warm the bottle, stumble to her room upstairs, get her out of the crib and sit in the rocking chair. She'd have her meal and we'd both doze off together. Cozy, very cozy.

Posted by Doctor Jay | August 1, 2008 11:50 AM

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been formulating a comment in my head about how much I like this blog and this post and the ensuing comments have finally inspired me to say it out loud, or write it out loud, if you will.

I first started reading the blog after your thoughtful article on Bill Cosby’s brand of conservatism in the Atlantic and quickly became a regular reader – sort of a ‘come for the Atlantic-style politics, stay for the MF Doom references’ thing. Last week I felt so spoiled for rich content that I sent an email to a bunch of my friends with links to your posts on D&D, Nas vs. Fox, and the Blackness of Bob Barr, with ‘Great Day for a Great Blog” in the subject line.

But today, I’m loving the parenthood love from you and all of the commenters. It does the heart good, during a week that had been otherwise draining, to hear a bunch of dads and moms connect on the topic of playing geeky role-playing games with their kids. I may just be an uncle, not yet a father, but I’m in the right place. Big shout to the Ta-Nehisi cyber-community!

Posted by Daz | August 1, 2008 12:43 PM

Devin Hester indeed! ... old school Monopoly, Didier Drogba & Fernando Torres too.

Posted by JT (Chicago) | August 4, 2008 1:43 AM

Thanks for this post. Our daughter is two. It's good to hear that things will get better.

Posted by kamatoa | August 8, 2008 5:02 AM