Leaving aside the beauty of the fact that it's Biden who doesn't drink, you guys know I have a special--deep, deep-seated--hatred for campaign cliches. They represent, not simply lazy reporting, but an abuse of the English language. Everytime I hear some fool (and this includes Obama) drone on about "post-partisanship,": "the spirit of bipartisanship," "Dunkin Donuts vs. Starbucks voters," "soccer moms," "active grannies," I want to hurl my laptop at the wall. Campaign cliches are the mark of the reporter/analyst/operative who is too lazy to be bothered with--specifically--thinking about what he means, and instead just resorts to the easy-chair of half truth.""But you tried really hard to reach these people,'' Kroft pressed. "You went and sipped beer, which I know you don't particularly like - I mean you even...
"Steve, I had a beer last night,'' Obama interjected. "I mean, where do these stories come from, man?"
"I'm the one... [that] doesn't drink," Biden added
"Where does the story come from that...I don't like beer? '' Obama asked. "C'mon, man."
But of all the backward ass campaign cliches to be visited upon the American public, none is more pernicious than "beer track/wine track." What an utter abuse of metaphor. Look, I'm a liberal who lives in Manhattan. In my fridge-right now---you can find a six of Red Hook. I love beer, and instantly distrust anyone who doesn't. In fact, in college, I refused to date any girl who didn't drink beer. None of that Midori Melon and a salad bullshit for me; Nothing says sexy like a Sam Adams and chicken wings. I don't think I have a single friend (who isn't a recovering alcoholic) who doesn't like beer. Most of them drink wine too, but the official drink of young Manhattan liberals is beer, no question.
Moreover, I detect a hint of racism here. This false analogy leaves no place for the many tribes of black voters--"The Hennessey Track," "The Curvosier Track," "The MGD Track." Once again the media conspires to keep black folks out. And isn't just us. I mean among white folks, isn't there a "Pabst Blue Ribbon Track," a "Boons Track," a "Mint Julip" track. Come on big media. Where's the humanity???
UPDATE: It's on. How many "Tracks" can we get here?
The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood 
Good post, per usual. Just one thing: I'm from Kentucky, and I'm here to tell you that in the history of the world, no one has ever really had a mint julep. That is a completely made up drink, designed to mess with reporters who show up for the Derby. Potemkin mixology, baby.
Just wait--there's a micro versus macro-brew track as well, with all sorts of delineations within it. I mean, we can get Mark Penn-quality stupid with this without a lot of effort. "What do you mean, he drinks lambics! They're Belgian for Christ's sake!" kind of stupidity. We're not far from it now.
Must we also place people in alcohol-related "tracks"? Poor Mitt Romney and the Mormons would be totally left out -- the "O'Douls track," perhaps?
As an aside, can I just say how enjoyable your blog is and how pleased I am to have stumbled upon it a few weeks ago? Bravo, good sir.
"Nothing says sexy like a Sam Adams and chicken wings."
How long before we hear the dulcet tones of Jim Koch as he repeats this line over the airwaves of America? And will he rightly give you your cut?
The Courvoisier Track? I think the Curvosier Track is the one for former beauty queens without credentials who happened to be born near Russia....
mrsaturdaypants, I am a damn yankee, and I can assure you that I can fashion a very refreshing mint julep. I won't make one on most occasions, though , since the whole thing is a pain to make correctly. Plus, why adulterate bourbon if you don't really have to?
The best part about being liberal is keeping an open mind. Beer, bourbon, wine -- an open-minded liberal drinker can taste them all!
I guess the real question is when is the MSM going to run out of pigeonholes to try to stick Obama into?
The Patron Track
The Crystal Track
The Alize Track
The Hypnotic & Hennesy Track (What Ta-Nehisi drinks at Mo-Bey)
My college religion professor was from Virginia, and he drank mint juleps all the time. In fact, he used to brag about introducing the mint julep to Israel.
I'm starting up the loose-leaf green tea track! Who's with me?
I hear Obama has to shore up support from Manischewitz track voters in order to win Florida.
Hypnotiq tastes like cough syrup. If I'm on that shit, it's thug passion all the way.
Yeah. And what about those of us who would vote for Biden just on strength of him not being a drinker? How about the AA track, or the "I just don't drink/against my religion" track?
Cuz, ya know - there are some of us out there...
QT
Given that Obama lives in Chicago, I think he should be on the 312 Track.
Personally, I'm on the "Beer that tastes like candy" track. The night I first smelled Ephemere and thought "Gobstoppers!" I knew I was in love.
(Please note: some people say it smells like Jolly Ranchers, not Gobstoppers.)
T-N C,
Since you have brought up the issue of race and beverages, let me ask you a serious question. How many freakin' sugars do black people need to put in their coffee? Whenever I see a black guy get a coffee at Starbucks, out of morbid curiosity, I keep track of the sugars he puts in it. It's usually more than five.
In the spirit of understanding between the races, please explain what the deal is with the black sweet tooth.
Thanks.
Fred thats not even half of the difference. Ponder this for a second: Pineapple Soda.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UayQTu2kH-U
Dave Chappelle has a full explanation in the link above.
I don't drink alcohol at all, but I still like you.
Jibril,
I'm going to have to play that when I get home. I'm at a Starbucks now and with the blenders going nonstop, I can't hear Dave well enough. I do remember his bit about grape soda versus grape drink, which was funny.
What about the Jaeger Bomb Track? Can Obama hold his liquor and clinch the crucial frat boy vote?
How about the speculative fiction as journalism track?
the Diet Coke track. You can always find someone drinking Diet Coke at the bar, somehow finding a way to enjoy talking to tipsy friends. I don't trust these people (unless they're DD, but this isn't always the case).
I can't call the sugar and black people thing. Is it race? Is it class? Or is it geography? I'm going to go with geography. Here's what I've noticed about when traveling South--the concept of "Soul Food" seem to be a something of northern invention. My white southern brethren can straighten me out here if I've got this wrong, but it seems like down South black and white people it the same overfried/high sugar foods. It's damn good too.
For instance, I have never had a problem getting pre-sweetened Iced Tea down South--no matter if it's black people or white people eating there. But in Baltimore, you knew that you basically only got Sweet Tea in the Soul Food joints. So here in Harlem, they will actually sell "Sweet Coffee." They don't call it that, but that's what it is. Black folks are, largely, southerners. That has to have a lot to do with it.
For the record, I love sweet tea. Though Half and Half is better.
can I get a little E & J love in here, and don't forget E&J VSOP for those special occassions(like payday)...
I'm on the "Hops, hops and more hops!" track.
Shout out for the "double posting" track? Why keith he get all the love, huh?
There is actually two tracks of the PBR track. One is comprised of old school drunks like some of my maternal relatives, while the other is the annoying young hipster. I am pretty sure the voting patterns of my uncles and the neo-bohemians are very different.
If I am getting a bit heavy, I lean towards Miller Lite, when I have gotten a lot of runs in and am thin, I turn into a yuppie and drink micros or Euro beers.
Don't forget the "tropical-themed drinks" track, although it only counts if you persist in doing so at establishments with no tangible geographic or thematic connection to warm climates.
on sweet coffee. they say that however you fix your first cup of coffee is the way you like it the rest of your life. when i was 7 in 1954 i had my first cup of coffee. my old man took me deep sea fishing out of sheepshead bay in brooklyn. i was so excited i didn't sleep on the 4 hour trip down and by 3 am when the boats were starting to pull out, i fell asleep. my old man bought me a coffee at some skeezy shack that stank of chum. it was real sweet and light. when i looked at it it looked green under the neon lights. that's the way i still like it. only now instead of sugar i use 3-4 splendas. and it still looks a little greenish to me. when i order coffee at dunks, i always order it "light and sweet."
on the drink track, i hate scotch and those sweet shit sissy drinks. all beer, but one, tastes like warm piss. i know because i tried warm piss once. bass ale anytime, beefeater martini straight up in a tumbler in summer [not those wacko marie antoinette tit glasses], cc manhattan straight up in winter, are the top dawgs.
adin
Let us not forget the parallel-running RBV and LI Iced Tea tracks. They service the same stations as the Jager track.
The Gin track? Last chance for a civilized G&T today. Of course, Gin and Juice is always in style!
I'm in Brooklyn now, but my family is all white Southerners. So I'm going to go ahead and confirm, that yes, the style of food that's called Soul Food in the north is referred to by my family as Southern food, and is the way that they (and I) have eaten all our lives, at least until fairly recently (health concerns). Actually, it more dropped off for awhile and made a resurgence in the last few years.
And my mother and grandmother agree with you about the half and half.
This liberal loves Miller High Life.
A 6 pack of tall boys runs you $3.79 and it's better tasting than not only all the cheap beers, but the "higher level" domestic standards.
Although come to think of it I've also been told that real Southerners never put sugar in coffee - that that's "a Yankee thing." So, the mystery deepens.
amos, I'm in your green tea track--hard core, 5 cups a day.
I'm also in the Belgian beer and French wine track. I'm currently deep in a Kriek track.
Don't forget about all those aging boomers in hawaiian shirts track... the margarita track.
Never know what those SOBs are going to be up to when they're not running off to buffet concerts
el camino de modelo?
The tequila track.
The single malt scotch track.
The bourbon track.
The rum drinks track.
The Long island iced tea track.
The Thunderbird track.
There, that's enough tracks.
I just got back from my week-long beer pilgrimage to Bavaria, and let me tell you -- there is simply no comparison. Every beer snob should go to the Andechser Monastery before they die. There's nothing like having real Franciscan monks fill your stein with liter after liter of the world's best beer while you chow down on Bratwurst and Streudel.
Even hiking through the Alps up there they have a hostel and beergarten every 5 miles. Best hiking trip ever.
This is dead on:
If you get much further south than DC, the "soul food" distinction vanishes. The towns of Culpeper and Orange, Va., near where I grew up, had a branches of a restaurant called Country Cookin'. It was a buffet full of chicken, fish, greens, corn, mashed and fried potatoes, gravy, biscuits, green beans, jello salads, etc. The vegetables all had a little fatback cooked in. The availability of sweet tea goes without saying. The clientele, mostly white. My mom loved it, despite the fact that she could make better versions of most of the dishes at home. My uncle still judges restaurants on whether he can get sweet tea there. (And to be fair, if you like it sweet, it's never the same trying to stir sugar into cold tea.)
I think during the "Great Migration" black folks took that cuisine north with them, wholesale. But in the south I believe it is thought of as home cookin' or country cookin' or something like that.
Come on people! Is this a liberal blog? I'm starting to doubt it. Look what you all missed:
Dank track vs. schwag track
Indica track vs. sativa track
Bong track vs. pipe track vs. joint track
And what about the hip-hop love?
Biggie track vs. Tu-Pac track
I guess because I am not a beer drinker, I never got the beer/wine track issue. I hope I don't gross anyone out, but to me beer tastes like pee smells; just kinda nasty.
Sorry folks...I just don't like beer; but don't kick off the playground because of it.
I think it is so silly that we are now judging people's character by what the hell they drink. We can be so silly and trivial in the country. It makes you want to go on a bender and hurl.
LMAO
jlv--I just got back from a week in Bavaria too! Hiking in the Alps--were you anywhere near Garmisch? Eibsee?
Oh yeah, the beer was okay, but I prefer the Belgians.
I'll join TNC on the "sweet tea but half-and-half is better" track, and start a Gewurtztramminer track.
Did you know that half-half's are called Arnold Palmers? True story.
Reminds me of how Red Pop usually is really Strawberry soda.
What about the Franzia track? It is wine, but it comes in a box, is really cheap, and favorable among otherwise beer-drinking Obama-supporting college students. What kind of voters are those?
Don't forget about the milk tracks.
Are you a 1%er? What does this say about you? Does it mean that you are afraid to go all out. In other words, is the 1% milk that you drink a larger metaphor, in fact, for how you approach all life? As in, do you only give everything 1% of your effort to the task at hand?
2%er? Someone concerned with not appearing to give 1% of their energy, hypersensitive to the judgements of other people around you--really a 1%er whose ashamed of being a 1%er. You people disgust me.
Whole Milk. Its no accident that its the one with the red label. You know John Kerry ain't drinkin' this shit. Its the drink of real men, chugged right from the carton, and rumor has it that the cow being milked in this instance, was in fact Dennis Hastert.
I've still got openings for:
Strawberry Milk
Chocolate Milk (don't go for the obvious, its just played out)
Lactaid 100
Skim
Totally with you TNC. I happen to confirm many of the east coast liberal stereotypes that we're trying to bust out of, but I just can't bring myself to enjoy wine. Fer chrissakes, it doesn't stop making you thirsty, which is what a beverage is supposed to do.
Anyhoo, more to the point, I thought both Obama and Biden were damned impressive here on more than the beer question. In particular, Biden handled the Kinnock-plagiarism thing deftly and honestly.
I nominate the rich, malty, high ABV Belgian Abbey Ale track.
(borrowing from Balloon Juice-- Renko +3)
Richards
As I'm drinking one right now, I'm almost offended that no one mentioned a guinness track yet. I don't trust anyone who hasn't tried it.
I've still got openings for:
Strawberry Milk
Chocolate Milk (don't go for the obvious, its just played out)
Lactaid 100
Skim
What about the ever growing Soy milk track?
Actually this Rhode Island-native would be on the Coffee Milk track, which is probably the lactoid equivalent to Minnesota's Democratic-Farmer-Labor party, in that it only exists in one state
As a Baltimorian gone south- love half and half hate "Sweet Tea" as its served down here. It's more like half and half with the lemonade replaced with just sugar. Disgusting. But I'm not really a sweet tooth kinda guy.
What about the Franzia track?
---
In Australia, they call box wine "goon". Its a great name, and "goon track" has a nice ring to it. It describes the non-voting segment of the population that just sits out on their porch shitfaced all day.
Go back to bed America your government is in control. By the way, keep drinking beer you Fucking Morons.
Curt, are you wearing a flat cap and talking union-local politics?
Actually, I'm a Guiness drinker too. Or stout, anyway...I'll make do with Murphy's in a pinch.
I'd like to take this a slightly different direction and suggest that black folks are on the "menthol track".
And a question for the experts: Does the "wine track" include the fans of Boone's, MD 20/20 and Wild Irish Rose?
One of the only things that could turn me against Obama would be learning he drinks Midouri sours. Thank God.
In fact, in college, I refused to date any girl who didn't drink beer. None of that Midori Melon and a salad bullshit for me.
I'm a woman, and I've always disliked beer unless it's a pint of good strong stout (and even that, only on occasion).
What I have always liked is scotch whiskey and pretty much anything else distilled. Lemme tell you T-N, college guys don't want to date women who can handle Macallan's neat (vs. their Coors Light) any more than they want to date fruity-cocktail girls.
And if you're wondering ... yes, describing *women* who can handle whiskey and the fruity-cocktail *girls* was absolutely intentional sentence structure.
As someone who was amazed at the accomplishments of Usain Bolt at the Olympics, I would say I'm part of the track track.
I live at the switching yard where the dark ale, stout, scotch and champagne tracks all converge.
being that you have 58 comments already, excuse me if I'm redundant. If you caught the episode of Mad Men, you know that campaigns are about marketing. Marketing is all about labeling people and coming up with stupid categories like lawnchair daddies or something. The business industry pays big money for experts to tell them who their client is and where to find them based upon these stereotypical habits. Why do you think we all have grocercy store "discount" cards? My habits are sold to anybody looking to sell something. Its sickening, prejudiced, and the American way.
There are a couple bifurcations in the beer and wine tracks worth noting.
Organic Beer Track v. Regular Beer Track.
- Like Microbrew v. Beer, only more hippie.
Three Buck Chuck (Charles Shaw) Track v. Regular Wine Track
- I think this does guy's Franzia track, without getting into the issue of box wine v. bottle wine.
DSulzman:
Wouldn't a 1%-er be in favor of torture, suspension of civil liberties, domestic surveillence and invading Iraq just because they might have WMDs according to some completely not credible sources?