I lost my cellphone on Sunday. Last week my hard-drive went up on me. A month ago I left my Kindle in someone else's car--got it back fortunately. Nevertheless, the lesson is clear--me and tech don't mix. I don't have the sort of brain that can keep track of all this shit. On a tangential note, I'm leaving Facebook too. No fucking way I have 250 friends.
UPDATE: If I wasn't clear, I'm not buying another cell-phone. I'm fucking done. Besides my e-mail is right on this page. And I answer it. Anyone can get at me.
The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons, and an Unlikely Road to Manhood 
Copyright © 2009 by The Atlantic Monthly Group. All rights reserved.
Welcome to the world of the post-technologically savvy pseudo-Luddite! Things are much simpler here.
"No fucking way I have 250 friends."
aw c'mon, t.--i'm sure you have lots more friends than that, popular guy like you.
but seriously--calling them 'friends' does sort of dilute the idea, doesn't it?
thing is, that's not a knock against technology.
it has been easier to get hundreds of superficial acquaintances than to get one real friend for as long as human beings have been alive. maybe the machine makes it even faster to get the pseudo-friends, but pseudo-friends have always been around.
Sounds like my life. Numerous PowerBooks, with those super-fragile power supply connectors, have died on my watch. And the day my cell phone slid out of my back pocket into a (thankfully clean) public toilet, I went home and said to my wife: "I deserve to live in a hut. Electronics just hate me."
I predict you'll have as easy a time as I do staying away, she writes on her overpriced MacBook....
Someone (Ben Smith?) yesterday had a link to a news story about a guy with 700 Facebook friends who decided to throw a party and meet them for real; one person showed up. They conversed awkwardly for an hour.
You should go read some of James's inspirational stories about the little USB stick that could.
Well, acquaintences still mean a lot. I mean, they're the people who become friends when you get the time to give them a chance.
The way I look at facebook, it lets you keep track of everyone who's come through your life without too much effort. Even if someone's not worth writing letters to every few weeks, they're probably worth grabbing a beer with next time you're in town. Plus, as a twenty-something, there's a big boon to being able to track down who you know in a town if you need to crash for cheap. The favor is, of course, returned to others.
You tend to meet a lot of cool people in the course of life, most of whom are just leading too different of lives to ever really become friends. But at least with facebook you've got a fighting chance of finding them and getting another few hours of fun time together when your paths collide a couple years later.
Internet "friends" are sort of like internet "famous".
Fine. Be that way. I thought we were friends but maybe we are just acquaintances. I'll get over it.
But seriously, my 15 year old daughter is all over Facebook and uses it to keep track of friends who live far away and her cousins. As well as all of her school friends and classmates. I have had a few people tap me to be their friends on Facebook but I have no idea what to do with it. So I don't. If they want to get in touch, I have email and phones. And a street address.
I guess your Facebook failure makes you a grown up. Sorry.
LOL @ you leaving Facebook. Some of the coolest people I know are people I facebook stalked (or was stalked by) before I met them.
BTW, I think you have to bug them to delete your account. Otherwise they only "deactivate" it.
I myself have presided over the funeral (or unsolved disappearance) of no less than three iPods.
Little fuckers keep dying on me. I need a something like a hybrid of an mp3 players and an Abrams tank.
I have plenty of friends on Facebook. Once I put that I was single I got a whole new set of friends.
Mr. Coates,
What's your take on the Kindle...can't figure out if I would use enough to make it worth while...how much internet access does it have? Can Big Daddy Kane rock the mic?
For what it's worth, I really like my Kindle. I like to have a novel and something non-fiction working at the same time, this way they are right there in one place, along with tons of other stuff I'll get to someday. The internet access is not bad at all. It's free and available everywhere I've taken the thing. Most sites customized for mobile browsers (mobile.nytimes.com, mobile.washingtonpost.com, etc. work fine).
Having said all that, I think it's too expensive. Mine was a gift, and I really dig it, but $350 is too much for what it does.
I treat facebook like a third email address. But with pictures. All the strange little applications seems ridiculous to me, but it helps me keep tabs on people I'd rather not forget completely.
For the record, I'm against one piece of tech doing 19 jobs. I have a cell phone, and iPod (I'm on to my second) and a blackberry for work. I can't understand people who fold their personal phone into their work blackberry. I don't want to hate the sound of my cellphone ringing/vibrating.
Are you evil or possessed by some weird alien spirit that makes tech malfunction?
but 700 friends is pretty good. I only have like 80, but the people I know do not tend to do stuff like this...
I have a turntable that still gets a lot of use and a CD player that gets a little less. I refuse to get an iPod. People who claim to have music collections who don't own any LPs or CDs annoy me.
I have a cellphone but it's turned off 95% of the time and I don't know the number offhand.
Is the Kindle really worth it? I fear it having a BetaMax-type downfall, not getting support or new material in a few years.
You're just having a bad tech period. It happens to the best of us.
Re: Facebook. The only thing I dont like about it is the same people in highschool I used to not stop and chat with are now on my Facebook page. So I get to not stop and chat with them for the rest of my life.
I've had an off and on relationship with my Kindle. After having it for a couple of months its use is way down, but I'll be loving it when I have to do a lot of traveling over the holidays.
If you travel a lot you will get the most use out of it IMO.
Isn't this how the Butlerian Jihad got started?
What kind of fiction are you reading TNC? I know you have a lot of nerd in you, you a sci-fi/fantasy fan? If so, could we have a thread re: sci-fi/fantasy novels worth recommending.
How do you parent without a cell-phone?
I did it for 14 years. Like my parents before me, I let my oldest walk out of the house knowing I couldn't reach her until she reached a destination, and then only if I could remember just what she'd said. If any of ther three were slow walking home, I worried and peered down the street. I drove out of town trusting that if my kids got sick at school, school could find their dad or the friend I'd listed on the endless forms--and they'd find me if the sickness really needed mom. In big box stores, I kept all three in sight or paged the one who wandered off.
But while I've been writing this, the youngest has called as school let out, told me where he's headed, and told me the pants we bought yesterday are too big. The other two are in college, and when I'm done I'll call one to let her know that her charger cord is in the mail and the other to ask if she got to see Obama in the rain this morning.
For me and my house, there's no going back.
I have a cellphone but it's turned off 95% of the time and I don't know the number offhand. --Moe
I'm not buyng another cell-phone. I'm fucking done. --Ta-Nehisi
I feel pressured to have a cell phone as a parent: Nowadays it feels like "I'll be out and about so you can't reach me" isn't an acceptable answer for the people who will be in charge of one's children. (I also use it to find my husband in large stores, but this was never an issue before the cell--he just figures I'll call so why bother trying to keep track of each other.)
I learnt my cell phone number by putting it on all those parental forms.
The only thing I dont like about it is the same people in highschool I used to not stop and chat with are now on my Facebook page. So I get to not stop and chat with them for the rest of my life. --John Henry
Aaaaaah! If I'd been thinking of doing Facebook, that would have scared me right back out. My reunion was a couple of years back and they tracked me down (should have taken my husband's name); clarified perfectly for me that I have no interest in almost all of these people. The 2 or 3 I might have wanted to reconnect with are, of course, similarly reunion-averse.
big changes coming. we made a mistake. access to credit isn't wealth, it's debt. now comes the shift. cell fone? get rid of it or get a pay as you go plan. can you hear me now? damn. how about now? why the fuck do you have to check in all the time? who cares where we are? we are on our way.
the gilded age of gadgetry is gone. iPods, iTouches, iPhones, iMe's, gps's [read a fuckin' map], are the toys the big boys convinced us we needed.
a laptop. okay. replaces mail, encyclopedia, sears catalog.
a kindle. okay. replaces heavy books. but it encourages us to read. we all need to read books, not snippets of mini-info. if they can converge kindle, and laptop, that would be fine. if a kindle can get people to read the $300 is worth it. the days of 13 year old kids carrying 50 pound bookpacks should go and be replaced by an 8 oz. kindle.
time to separate wheat from the chaff.
Well, to quote Betts from "Mad Men", it must be nice to be able to do that. Dad.
whoa--no cell phone?
now *that's* a bad idea.
if you're a parent, you have to have a cell-phone. your kids and your partner are all going to need to get in touch with you. or the school will. or the parent of their playdate or whichever house they're over at. that stuff is important--you have to be available.
i mean, facebook, sure, dump that shit. it's a timewaster, and doesn't make you a better parent.
but a cell-phone? that's not a luxury item or a toy. it's a way of being responsible to your family.
I've been a parent for nearly nine years now. I can't say that having a cell phone has been an indispensable part of being a parent.
I will say that an indispensable part of being an adult is weening yourself of the idea you need to be available by phone, e-mail, whatever, 24/7.
The all-encompassing paranoia of the "parents need a cellphone" notion is sort of creepy. Am I the only one who thinks that most kids today are quivering, over-protected veal?
My kindle is my FAVORITE gadget- and I am not really a gadget person or an early adapter.
I could not live without it- but I am a consultant and I live on the road. When I left my last client I had to buy another bag for all the books I bought AND my original bag was an additional 15 pounds overweight (I buy hardcovers because I am really hard on my books as a rule). Thank God the company sent a car to pick me up when I landed, because lugging that stuff to the airport was brutal!
My kindle saves me from all of that.
Best. Purchase, Ever.
Last comment- the only drawback to the kindle is no graphic novels. I haven't found any place in Paris that I can buy trade paperbacks, so I am missing my stories!
But even with that limitation it's amazing! Totally worth the money if you are a bookworm or speedreader (I found a good trilogy this weekend and read the whole thing- no need to go to five bookstores to find all the books in the series, BIG plus).
Even my Mom wants a Kindle- for Christmas, natch.
Well, at least you spared me some humble pie, which I would undoubtedly have been fed by a certain Cowgirls fan following that very winnable 13-9 road loss. What a poor offensive display--Im sick of watching our defense hand the offense a sumptuous win on a silver platter only to watch them scrape it straight into the trash. >:o(
On parenting and cell phones--for me it's a convenience, not a necessity. We first got a cell when my husband was going to be near daycare, with the car, but not by a phone; I was going to be far from daycare, without a car. If someone had to pick up a sick kid, much better the parent who was 8 minutes away with transport but might be in a meeting or lab.
I think the extent of electronic leashing of kids is ridiculous; however, it is a real convenience to be able to say "call when you're done" rather than all the waiting around for kid to finish on freezing soccer field that being the parent-at-home usually entails. You can keep that cell at the level of optional convenience, but it takes some effort not to depend on it. (My husband has gone over completely, and is one of those men in stores calling every few aisles to ask which type of pasta the list means.)
Cell phone dependence story: we were visiting a relative who lives on the water and my daughter and her friends wanted to row over to the island. We said okay, but there were no other boats in the water, so if something went wrong they'd need to solve it themselves. "We have our cell phones!" piped up one preteen. After making sure that all 3 grasped telephoning us was going to achieve nothing, they made the trip, had a lovely time, and felt more independent. The only way for kids to feel more independent and capable is to actually be so.
Also, there is no verb "to parent".
Yeah, keep your cell phone. You have a kid, and a partner. And I know that people back in the day got along without cell phones, and you can probably be reached most of the time at your Atlantic offices (or wherever you do your work), but emergencies happen. Say you're at your Atlantic conference in Aspen, and something happens - don't you want to be notified as soon as you can, not whenever you get back to your hotel?
"Say you're at your Atlantic conference in Aspen..."
LOL.
Well wherever you go. Phones are meant to be replaced. If you don't lose them, they come out with better phones and make you feel the "need" to trade up. Fortunately there are always good deals on phones.
TNC,
Get yourself the I-Phone. You will never go back. I probably use my 'cellphone' portion of the i-phone 1/10 as much as I use it for all the other stuff.
Of course, if you LOSE the phone, well, you're screwed...
Sporcupine and all the other parents who believe your children must have a cell phone for whatever reason you have constructed [safety, your kid's pressure, 'what if something happens?', etc.] Here is some news.
I'm a child psychologist and work with both kids and parents. About 50% of my practice centers on behavioral problems associated with cell phones. Anxious parents, kids who demand cell phones because all their friends have them, kids who are very angry with their parents because they feel they are not trusted, kids who use phones in school, in class, in the bathroom, and the trouble they subsequently get in to, kids who must inform their parents of their location each time they move, just to name a few issues. Cell phones have created hyper-anxious parents and angry kids. Of course, a parent's job description includes some degree of anxiety, and every kid gets pissed at his/her parents when they want to know what they are doing, but cell phones have turned the developmental and manageable child/parent issues into damaging psychological struggles. There is a growing body of research regarding this problem, and, if you are interested in this issue, you should find out more.
Someone mentioned the cell phone acting as an "electronic leash." Yesterday a 14 young kid in my office was screaming and crying at her parents for keeping her "on a leash, just like our dog!" This is new terrain and parents have to be very careful how they navigate it.
As an aside, I never bring my cell phone with me except for special reasons, e.g., long trip away, vacations, etc. I used to carry one with me all the time as did my wife until I found that the only time my wife was calling me was when I was grocery shopping and she called to add things to the grocery list. The result was that I would spend and 45 minutes looking for Pepsi One. And then i realized that the only time I was calling my wife was to let her know I was leaving work. The result of that was that she would get anxious if i stopped on the way home to stop and pick up the mail or stopped at my brother's house as I drove by.
Now, I have a pay as you go cell phone plan and it costs about $12/month as opposed to our 'family talk plan' that cost about $120/month and everyone is very happy. Then there is the danger of talking on the cell while driving...
The Kindle. I have had mine for a year. I haven't read this much in years. For some reason, it is easier on my eyes, my reading speed is faster, and it has features that I haven't even started to explore. It downloads books using cell phone technology at any location that can get a signal. I can store hundreds of books on it, I subscribe to 2 newspapers that are downloaded automatically in the very early morning so that when I wake up, there they are. I don't have to pay a cent for the cell phone connection, and the cost of a book that usually costs $35-$40, costs $10. It pays for itself in savings after about 12 books and it weighs about 6 ounces or so. If you read you should get one.
That's it. Good night and good luck.
Six days until The Day of Truth.
Am I the only one who thinks that most kids today are quivering, over-protected veal?
No. Kids today, at least suburban kids, have no street sense and fewer survival skills. They are coddled, protected and never allowed to scratch their knees.
And my wife and I are as guilty as any other suburban parents. Although I am forcing my wife to loosen the leash on our 13 year old son. He needs to start making more decisions and take responsibility for their outcomes. 'Cause we aren't going to be here forever.
DrDave writes: "I am forcing my wife to loosen the leash on our 13 year old son. He needs to start making more decisions and take responsibility for their outcomes. 'Cause we aren't going to be here forever."
I know people who need babysitters when their 15 year old kids would otherwise be "home alone." I respectfully suggest that any 15 year old who doesn't have MAJOR mental problems or physical issues and can't be left alone for a few hours has clinging dipshits for parents.
How do you leave facebook? It's very difficult to leave.
About that cell phone, maybe I'm hopelessly old fashioned, but I remember back toward the beginning of the century there was a day when a lot of very sad phone calls were made to loved ones from people who had good reason to believe they were about to die on a plane or in a falling building. I realized that if a call like that were made to me, I'd want to be able to take it then and there. So I took the (for me) big step of replacing a perfectly good but bulky cell phone with one that was small enough that I could have it with me all the time. (Yes, I know--many readers don't remember cell phones that were too big to fit easily in a pocket, but I had one then).
Of course, the fact that I don't give the number to very many people, and I don't make many calls with it, means that I often forget to turn it back on after a "cell-phone-off" event, and I forget to charge it a lot. So I wouldn't say I'm really all that well covered against missing a vital call.
But if tech gadgets have trouble staying with you, you might try something like zreturn, which supplies labels to put on them so that finders can return gadgets to their owners. (Apparently, many people are actually willing to do this if it doesn't take too much effort--I know I am.) I started with this after I got up and left a digital camera in a restaurant and didn't realize until the next day, when I was on the other side of the state. You're right, brains are not intended to keep track of all that stuff.
LOL. Mm hm. Been there. And lets see how long til you're happily slidin' your finger along an iphone screen...
Also re: facebook, there is a nice block feature that allows you to trim the friend bush without the branches necessarily knowing the dif. Just sayin.
Another senseless case of WWD
Writing While Drunk
Shame...
Sounds like you need a man-purse.
And I'm amped up, they locked the champ up, even my brain's in handcuffs
Computers are stupid.
Man-purses aren't (I'm writing from Japan, where they are epidemic).
I use facebook purely for political propaganda, and keeping an eye on/communicating with my teenage cousins, and it works just fine for that.
Also, there is no verb "to parent".
In Modern English we verb nouns. Don't be one of those anti-modern throwbacks who tries to force Latin grammar on English. We split infinitives, double negatives, and noun verbs. The people who say that we can't say that because you can't in Latin, and it was fashionable for about 300 years to pretend like English was based on Latin, and that Latin was "better" and its grammar should inform English, but it's simply not true.